Lightness and Darkness

At my previous job, balancing light and dark was a daily task. As an oncology nurse we dealt with patients at all stages of treatment. We cared for newly diagnosed patients who were full of hope and apprehension. We also cared for people at the end of life. More than caring for the actual patient, you took care of their family and tried to make their experience as comfortable as possible. I remember swallowing back tears and walking into a room of a patient that I had known and who had passed and calmly asking if I could do anything for the family. This same day I cared for other patients who were nowhere near that point and I smiled for them and maybe joked a little. I will also point out that on that same day that I completely fell apart in our manager’s office, so that happens too.

Currently I’m on what I’m calling a “hiatus” and am not in the daily grind of an acute care cancer floor. In some ways I miss patient care and the satisfaction of caring for people on a daily basis. However, during this break I have been allowed to reflect upon these experiences and their meaning to me. While the challenges are apparent, it had reinforced my passion for oncology nursing.

You may be wondering how this relates to a travel blog about my time in Berlin? As I have explored Berlin, I have seen the dark history of Berlin and Germany. Berlin today is a relaxed and joyous place. However, mixed in with the biergartens, cafes, and cabarets, there are reminders of darker times. In the Mitte of the city lies the Holocaust Memorial. There is also the Jewish Museum reminding us of the last 2000 years of Jews living in Germany. There are also the many reminders of East Berlin and the existence of the Cold War here. Possibly most chilling is Sausenhausen concentration camp, just outside of Berlin, now a memorial and museum to the horrors that occurred. In the city, Jim pointed out at a U-Bahn station (the underground public transport) a sign remembering that at this station, Jews were sent to a variety of concentration camps throughout Germany and that this event was to never be forgotten. This U-Bahn stop was right outside KaDeWe, a giant, well-known department store where one could buy designer bags and basically anything else one wanted. My sister, Heather, visited in the past week and upon visiting some of the darker sites and noting that there were apartment buildings and homes just outside these memorials wondered what it would be like to live outside such locations. I immediately recalled my experiences in the hospital and how we learn to cope and reconcile the dark and light on a daily basis. It seems that Germany has learned this balance. They are able to rejoice in the freedom and happiness they currently hold and yet have made sure to never forget the darkness that is in their past.

Beginnings in Berlin

“I wish I could dance on a single prayer
I wish I could be strong without somebody there
I wish I could dance on a single prayer
I wish I could be strong without the scheiβe
I don’t speak German, but I wish I could”
-Lady Gaga

I’ve always wanted to go to Germany. I’ve called it “the land of my people.” Much of my family originated here and I can see it. I was worried about standing out and screaming “American” by my clothes and mannerisms. Actually, I blend right in. The blond hair, round face with cheekbones, and practical, comfortable clothing make me the average German woman. A German woman stopped me on the street asking something about a “bus stop.” My bewildered expression and poor explanation of not speaking German gave me away right away. Before coming here, I was told that in Europe “everybody speaks English” and that travelers “had no problem” during their vacations. I believed them, for when I traveled to Amsterdam a few years ago, I also no problems with language. I realize that tourists (including myself in Amsterdam) had no problems because they were tourists visiting tourist-y places. I’m not a tourist in this situation. I live here now. I even have two special pages in my passport dedicated to giving me permission to live here for a little while. The local grocer, corner store, pharmacy, etc. doesn’t deal with tourists. My neighborhood is a normal neighborhood with apartments, shops, restaurants, etc., but none of them geared toward tourists. My point is that most of the people in the businesses I go to aren’t used to Americans who can’t speak German. The museums, hotels, restaurants in the center of the city deal with lots of tourists and handle Americans with ease. In some ways I enjoy this, for when I travel I’m always interested in how the local people actually live. I usually want to live the way the locals do and try my hardest to not fall into tourist traps. Even last year when vacationing in Las Vegas, one of the most tourist-y destinations I can think of, I tried to get off the strip and see the rest of Vegas and try to understand where the people of Las Vegas lived and played. So here I am in Berlin, living like a real Berliner, shopping at Rewe (the grocery store), riding the U-Bahn, and not getting run over by bicyclists on their designated paths. I’m not a student that has been studying German language and culture who’s been longing to get over here and experience it. A while ago I thought that with our two professions of nursing and engineering, we’d be in the USA for the long haul with few opportunities for living abroad. I’m just a regular American nurse who ended up here with her spouse hoping to make an adventure out of this experience. The beginning of this experience is a little challenging and often isolating. However, I believe I may get the hang of things here and will get into a groove that works for me. In the meantime, I’ve been reading a number of good books in the safety of my own apartment and have been anxiously awaiting the arrival of our Internet hook-up so I can not only communicate with friends and family back home, but also research what is here for me to do and explore.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day! Hope your day is filled with delicious baked goods!

Creamy Herb Chicken Casserole

Oh casserole.. I know in past decades the casserole has taken on a less than refined reputation. My parents' generation associates casserole with condensed cream of mushroom of soup and canned peas. While this may have been true in the past, I believe that the casserole can be delicious when done right. This recipe is inspired by mother's tuna fish casserole recipe, a childhood (and adult) favorite of mine. Growing up, my sister and I requested tuna fish casserole so much that my mom grew tired of cooking it and eventually quit making it (for the original tuna casserole recipe, go to "Read More"). Despite my mother's fatigue with this recipe, it gave me a deep appreciation for casseroles and their potential for deliciousness.

The base for this sauce was originally very similar to a french béchamel, which provides the richness and refinement of flavor over past casseroles. However, to make the recipe lighter and to give a nice chicken flavor, I've replaced much of the liquid with low-sodium chicken broth. I think this technically makes it not a béchamel, but it's still pretty tasty.


Creamy Herb Chicken Casserole Recipe

1 lb. small shape pasta (I like to use multigrain pasta such as Barilla Plus)
Large pot of salted water
2 boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into small bite-sized chunks
1 small onion, chopped
2 celery ribs, chopped fine
4 cloves garlic minced or crushed
3 tbsp. vegetable oil
3 tbsp. flour
1 tsp. rosemary (however any savory herb such as thyme or sage would be great)
1/2 tsp. mustard powder
1 tsp. salt
½ tsp. ground pepper
2 1/2 cups low sodium chicken stock
3 tbsp. half and half
1 cup shredded cheese, a mild white cheese such as Monterey Jack
crushed crackers or bread crumbs (If using bread crumbs, give them a quick spritz with cooking spray so they brown up nice in the oven)

Begin heating a large pot of water to boil for pasta. Cook the pasta to al dente. Heat oven to 350 and spray a casserole dish with cooking spray and set aside.

Season the chicken with salt and pepper. Heat about 1 tsp. of oil in a skillet and cook the chicken until no longer pink in the center, about 5 minutes. Set chicken aside.

Meanwhile, in a large saucepan, sauté the onions and celery in the oil until softened, about 3-5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for approximately 15 seconds. Turn off the heat and stir in the flour, rosemary, mustard powder, salt, and pepper. Turn the heat back to medium high and slowly stir in the chicken stock in small increments, especially at the beginning, so that the mixture first forms a thick paste and then a thickened liquid. Once all the chicken stock has been added, add the half and half then continue stirring until the sauce reaches a low boil. Turn off the heat and stir in the cheese and chicken.

Add the sauce to the cooked pasta and put the mixture into the prepared casserole dish. Sprinkle the bread crumbs or crushed crackers on top and bake for approximately 20 minutes until the casserole is bubbling.

Serve with green veggies such as peas or broccoli.

Chicken Chili

I love one pot meals. When you can get everything you need to eat in one pot that can ladled into large bowls, we are very happy. My husband's only complaint is that "our bowls aren't big enough." I would like to make everyone aware that our bowls have the word "oversized" in its Crate and Barrel description. One pot meals usually also allow me to use one of my two favorite kitchen items, either my red enameled Lodge dutch oven or the slow cooker. I will not be using the slow cooker for this meal, but I will certainly share some great crock pot meals later.

This chicken chili has the flavors of your traditional chili, but uses lean chicken breasts for a lighter stew and beans and hominy for heartiness. I also like to use different colored bell peppers for the sweetness they provide and they look pretty.

Be aware that this recipe makes A LOT. Halving some of the ingredients such as the beans, tomatoes, chicken stock, and using only 1 pepper will make a more reasonable quantity for those of you who aren't feeding armies or really hungry husbands.

Chicken Chili Recipe

2 tbsp. vegetable oil
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 large onion, chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 yellow or orange bell pepper, chopped
4-6 cloves of garlic, minced
2 tbsp. chili powder
1 tbsp. ground cumin
1/8 -1/4 tsp. (depending on your heat preference) cayenne pepper
1 28 oz. can crushed tomatoes
1 28 oz. can diced tomatoes (I usually use petite diced, but it's your choice)
1 15 oz. can pinto beans, drained and rinsed
1 15 oz. can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 15 oz. can hominy
2 cups low sodium chicken stock
1/2 cup fresh cilantro, chopped
salt and pepper

Chop and prep all vegetables first so that you're ready to go once you start cooking.

Season chicken breasts with salt and pepper on both sides. Heat just 1 tbsp. oil in large dutch oven or stock pot depending what you have on hand. Place chicken breasts in pot and cook for about 5 minutes on each side until nice and golden on the outside and is no longer pink in the middle. Take the chicken out and place on a clean plate or cutting board and set aside. Once cool enough to handle either cut chicken into bite-sized chunks or shred with 2 forks. Set chicken aside.

Add remaining tbsp. of oil to pot and add chopped onions, bell peppers, and 1/2 tsp. salt and cook for about 5 minutes until softened. Add garlic and spices and cook for about 30 seconds more.

Add the crushed and the diced tomatoes with juices and stir, making sure to scrape bottom of pot. Add the beans, hominy, chicken stock and chicken and simmer chili on low for about 40 minutes. Be sure to taste chili and add salt and pepper as needed.

Turn off heat and add cilantro. Serve in large bowls. If you are someone who likes to put a dollop of sour cream on their chili, try a dollop of Greek or plain yogurt. If you like a sprinkle of cheese, pick a low-fat cheese that was made with 2% milk.